Battle of the brains

Thrashing the measly 1.2kg human brain are the following species: dolphins at 1.5-1.7kg, elephants and blue whales at 5kg and killer whales at roughly 6kg. But, the biggest brain of them all is the sperm whale’s, weighing a mighty 7kg. Many dispute the relevance of this, arguing that a brain-to-body mass ratio is more informative of intellect. Taking this into account, we would still lose; in this instance to the treeshrew because this humble creature has the greatest brain-to-body mass ratio of any species.

There are two major cell types in the brain: neurones, the more widely recognised brain cell, and glia, the lesser-known brain cell.... animal studies determine that, as intellect rises, the glia-to-neurone ratio also increases. Therefore, an indicator of brainpower could be an individual’s glia-to-neurone ratio, possibly because each neurone receives more glial attention and so operates more efficiently. If this were deemed an accurate measure of intelligence, the Minke whale would be the smartest species, having the highest glia-to-brain ratio of any species – 5.5 times greater than humans’.

Although the human neocortex is the largest, the dolphin’s is more elaborately folded resulting in a larger surface area, a distinct mark of increased processing ability. This demonstrates two parallel, but possibly equally potent, methods of mental processing, suggesting that humans and dolphins are of fairly equal ability in some higher-order tasks.

Neurogenesis is the process of making new neurones, a type of brain cell. Teleost fish perform neurogenesis at an astonishing rate up to 100 times higher than mammals, even during adulthood. Humans fall considerably short in this capacity, meaning we lose this brain battle to 96 per cent of fish, species such as anchovies, sea horse and carp.

Yeah, humans are pretty shite. But we did manage to invent cake, and I don't see any other species doing that. So we clearly win.

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