Few things are virtuous in themselves, as Plato observed, but if I'd had to guess I probably would have said self control might be one of them. Foolish of me. Let's skip right over the stuff about the marshmallow test because it's boringly ubiquitous :
Uziel remarks that too much self-control is also detrimental to a person’s well-being. People who exhibit over-control engage in rigid behaviors and thought patterns that keep them from adapting to current circumstances. For example, people who are very high in self-control tend to adhere strictly to social norms. Thus, someone who is fundamentally unhappy in their marriage may stick it out for fear of what others would think of them if they got a divorce.
Further, over-controllers will persist in activities intended to achieve a socially sanctioned goal even at the risk of their own health. Uziel cites a study that found binge drinkers were in fact more likely to have high versus low self-control. This is because those with low self-control stop drinking when their bodies tell them they’ve already had more than enough. But the high self-controllers ignore these body cues for the sake of winning the drinking game, and presumably, the respect of their peers. The same can be said for all those workaholics out there who risk their health through lack of exercise, poor diet, and inadequate sleep all so they can achieve whatever goal seemed so glorious at the outset.
In the end, Uziel isn’t saying that self-control is bad. Rather, it’s the “more is better” mindset that’s problematic. We need a certain amount of self-control to achieve our goals. But we also need to listen to our intuition and seriously consider what it's telling us. By persevering in this goal, am I endangering my health or my best interests? Am I so focused on myself that I’m hurting my relationships with the people who are important to me? These are questions that can only be answered through the wisdom of intuition—listening to what your body tells you about the current moment, rather than what your mind tells you about the far-off future.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/talking-apes/201806/the-dark-side-self-control
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